I’ve received my fair share of bad gifts in this lifetime. I cite the Christmas I opened a GIRDLE in front of a room full of my brother’s girlfriend-at-the-time’s family as a classic example. It was flesh colored and teeming with so many hooks and underwires it looked like a harness worn by one of the Flying Wallendas. It was given to me by a relative who is herself overweight as a snide way of saying “Hey Fatty, you’ll never get married if you don’t do something about that extra 10 lbs”….no wait, that was actually printed inside the card I believe.  Or how about that one year I got a Barbie from a distant Aunt……when I was 17 years old.

 I know it is only March, but on the off chance you are already looking for THE WORST Christmas gift ever, I have found it. This will blow your past Secret Santa gifts of fake vomit, that mixed taped of the most incredibly racist country songs ever written, or those front row tickets to a Tijuana cock fight right out of the water.

 AS IF giving someone a bathroom scale isn’t insulting enough, how about giving one that spontaneously takes a picture (at the most UNFLATTERING of angles of course) and sends it directly to the world wide web?

 I’m just sayin, if you really wanna push someone over the edge this just might be the way to do it.